Sunday, January 30, 2011

I didn't know you take gifts back

A few months ago, my girlfriend of two and a half years and I broke up after I began to fall out of love. My heart was swayed, and I made a mistake of kissing another girl. She found out after I tried to hide it, my attempts at hiding it made her even more furious (protip: don't give your girlfriend your facebook password, ever). I broke her. I regret this more than anything I have ever done. I became an enemy of her friends, who acted like pack-minded wolves, as if I was a threat to the unit. If not for the support of my friends, I don't think I could have handled this, mentally.

She was very creative, and it was a common thing for her to give me things she made in art class. I had tacked several paintings, cards, drawings, and had stuffed animals that she hand-made, arranged on one of my tables in my bedroom. They were a reminder of better times. I was fond of the memories that they represent. I didn't want to just pack all of them away in a box. Since they she was such an important part of my life, I wanted them visible, a testimony of our time together.

She called me, wanting her stuff back. I asked if she wanted all of it...

I packed up everything that she ever gave me, because she wants it all back. I have never heard of taking gifts back from the people you give them to. This will eventually fade my memory of her completely, but I packed her into three giant, overflowing bags. I think it's such a rude thing to do, although understandable, considering what I did. She hasn't even asked if I want my gifts back, the answer to which would be a resounding "no," because gifts are something that are not yours once you give them.


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Sex Dream

I dig Sandman comics. Neil Gaiman, the author, has influenced me so that I listen more closely to what my dreams say. I have developed an intimate, no pun intended, relationship with dreams, since they offer me a second life, where I can bend or even make the rules. I live two lives: one while awake and one while asleep. Dreams are very special to me.
I told one of my friends that I had a dream in which we had sex. Knowing her, I thought she would take it lightly, since she's been very open to me, and since she is not one to contain a thought if it entered her mind. She took it lightly, as I expected, for a few seconds... She then turned to face me and asked me if I meant anything by telling her that, if I was going anywhere with the comment. I froze for a moment, and I told her that I didn't mean anything by it. And she let the conversation go, and quickly we talked about other things. However, I can't help but think she could see my face blush when she asked. I felt my face burn with heat from being put on the spot like that. But I got my nerves down.
I would have never asked my friend like that if I had wanted to actually have sex or if I had wanted to start some sort of relationship. It's not because I'm so consumed by having this reserved behavior or anything. I live life and take chances, but I take chances that need to be taken. Furthermore, I don't think that would be a good way of asking for sex (as if there were a proper way to ask).
CURRENT MOON
lunar phase